Catching Bieber Fever

Sit down because this is going to be once epic story. Ever since I first heard "Boyfriend," I've had this weird obsession with Justin Bieber. He has this confidence and swagger that I just find intoxicating. I bought all the buzz singles and was pretty excited for his new album to come out. It's also a nice bonding topic with my little sister. She loves him so it gives us something to take about.

An old friend from Sinai emailed that J&R in the Financial District was holding an album signing. I checked their website and, naturally, all the wristbands were gone within a few hours. Oh well. I tried. I saw that they were holding a contest to win one last wristband. I entered and said how I'd love to win so I could give the autographed album to my little sister. I did all I could. Just like Oprah did with her role in The Color Purple, I surrendered it. If I didn't get to meet him, life would go on. And late Monday night I got my proverbial call from Steven Spielberg while singing and running on the track. J&R announced they still had wristbands and I could get one if I bought the album in the store at 8:00 on Tuesday morning. Now I understand Bieber fans. I know that they will camp out (and probably kill) for a chance to meet him. At first I was thinking that I could get up around 4:00 am and go down there. I worried though that the line would be really long and I would have gotten up early for nothing. So I came up with a crazy idea. I'd sleep on the street and wait in line for hours and be the first one there. It made sense. Dedication would get me that autograph. So I packed some water and my copy of 50 Shades Darker and headed downtown. Yes, I forgot some non-essentials like food and a blanket. Oops.

I got off the train and there were blocks and blocks of barracades. They were were obviously expecting a large crowd. I got in line only to be told by security that the line was only for people who already had their wristbands. Ugh. Defeat. But I saw that they said they'd sell them in the morning so I decided to wait it out and buy my wristband in the morning. There was a small group of people at the front of the line so I made conversation with them. There was a Dominican woman, Elaina, who was holding space for her kids, a young girl, Georgia, who was with her nanny, Maria, (I think, I really couldn't figure out the relationship) and a 75-year-old woman, Barbara, who was really sweet and, probably, a little crazy. There were two security guards, Billy and Brian, to ensure order. Of course, there were only about 20 people. I'm thinking that since most people already had their wristbands, they didn't feel the need to get there uber early. Makes sense.

So the clock started ticking at 11:00 pm. I hung out with my new friends for hours. We talked about Bieber and almost every other topic imaginable. They said I was cute for a white boy and they said I had big muscles. I loved them! The time was moving so slowly. I had to wait 9 hours just to get my wristband, which would give me the opportunity to wait another 6 hours to meet Bieber. It seemed daunting! But the time did seem to go by pretty quickly. Luckily, there was a Dunkin Donuts around the corner that let us use their bathroom. I paced back and forth, stretched my legs and talked with my band of misfits. Barbara had a lot of interesting stories. It was really nice because they let me save a spot at the front of the wristband holder line after I waited in the line to buy my wristbands. That saved hours!

I have to admit that I didn't put much thought into what I'd need to spend the night on the street. Luckily, I'm not homeless. I didn't bring anything to sit on, anything to eat or anything to keep warm with. Yikes. It was much cooler than I thought it was going to be mid-June. I texted my friend, Josh, and was nice enough to bring me his camo Snuggie, some water and protein bars. He pretty much saved my life because I don't think I'd have been able to stand outside all night without it. Now warm and in better spirits, but I have to admit that I was wondering what the hell I was doing standing on the sidewalk in snuggie in New York in the middle of the night. I chalked it up to being a good brother and an interesting story.

Around 5:00 am I went to the door where the people without wristbands would start lining up. No sleep, just waiting. Slowly the streets came to life and I had least had some people to watch. I did have to pee in an alley because Dunkin Donuts' bathroom broke. It was creepy because this alley would have been perfect for an abduction / rape scene on Law and Order: SVU. At 8:00, they opened the doors and I was the first to go downstairs and buys my two copies of the Believe, which came with two wristbands. Part 1 of mission? Accomplished. I emailed Pam and told her that I could get a copy for her daughter, Tori, or she could join me. I didn't really do it to carry favor. I did it to share the experience. It's once-in-a-lifetime and why not share it was as many people as possible.

We still had 6 more hours to wait. But around 12:00 they had us start packing up and they began handing out the albums. I started to get nervous because I told Pam that Tori could probably get there around 1:30 and have plenty of time. Who expects anything to start on time? No one. Morris was driving her from Warren and I know that traffic was going to be bad. Oh no! What if she didn't make it? The scene from Deep Impact came to mind. It was the part where the parents hand Leelee Sobeski the baby. They're giving her all these instructions and they're panicking. That's what I felt like when I saw her. I wanted to be like "Here's your wristband. Quick. Put it on and here's your CD." But we had plenty of time so I was able to relax. I saw that black Lexus with Jersey plates pull up about a half hour later. Phew! No more obstacles in the way.

At about 2:45 we could tell that things were about to start. Tori was so nervous. It was cute. She didn't know what she'd say when she met him and neither did I. The people that I had spent the last 15 hours with were getting excited. We were such a band of characters. We headed inside in small batches but we were at the front of the line. It was freezing in the store, which was decked out with Bieber posters and cut-outs. I could tell he was walking in moreso by the deafening shrieks from the young girls rather than seeing him. But I caught a glimpse as he walked down the aisle to the stage. I got pretty excited, not hysterical like the others. Some adults started talking and no one cared. We wanted Bieber.

We started going up. So nervous! Tori went first and I tried to get a picture, but they were so strict. They wouldn't let us take pictures of him while we were getting our autographs. They didn't properly explain it so the lady yelled at me twice. It was weird because I was getting yelled at and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. Oh well. I walked up and touched his hand when I handed him my copy of the CD. I said thanks and left. I didn't really know what to say. I was a little starstruck. It was very chaotic. Lots of photographers and so many staff members - it was really a clusterfuck. But he's Bieber so it's understandable. He seemed nice and he was good-looking.

Finally, it was over. Over 16 hours of standing ended after meeting him for about 20 seconds. I would say that it was worth it though. Renee was beyond elated when I told her and I get this really cool experience. Now all I had to do was go home and sleep...and sleep. I would never do it again, but it was fun. I kept the signed booklet from the cd as a souvenir. I'll probably matte and frame it. It'll be a reminder of such a crazy, spontaneous once-in-a-lifetime experience.

At Peace

I second guess myself, especially with guys. I basically have a relationship rear-view mirror because I'm always looking back. But, I think that I've finally figured out how to respect the memories of past boyfriends and still move forward with my life.

Each time Antonio and I would break up (three times in total), I'd have this intense panic that I'd made a huge mistake. The instant freedom (or loneliness) was terrifying. I'd try to rationalize that problem had to be with me and that I could find a way to make it work. I had so many questions. How do I know if I made the right choice? He remains one of the most beautiful, caring and lovable men that I've ever met. Everything about him is perfect. We were great together, but also completely great separately. I was okay on my own. I want what Carrie Bradshaw describes as "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each love." What made everything so hard is that I never wanted to hurt him. As much as I wanted everything to work, I could just tell that he wasn't the one for me.

The failure of my first post-Brian relationship really made me scared. What if he's the one person for me? What if no one else will be able to match the intensity and passion? It seemed like a logical fear. But then I started to remember that along with that passion came a lot of tears, resentment and heartache. Slowly, I began to realize that he wasn't the one for me. What we had ended years ago. Holding onto a memory isn't the same thing as holding onto someone. I noticed that as I began to let go of the hope that things could have been different, my anger towards him began to dissipate. I can't recall where I was, but I just remember having this intense "aha" moment. I was happy for him. Sure, he didn't pick me. He chose to live in the closest (to keep the story simple). But he is loved and he has someone to love and protect him. And isn't that really all I should want for him? And just like that...the anger was gone.

I had so much growth and maturity in such a short time. With all the confusion and questions of the past few months, I really needed someone impartial and mature to listen to my ramblings. I found a therapist and he was great. He was much more of a sounding board than a mystic with the answers. One day I was leaving his office and I stopped outside the elevator to get my headphones out and I had this huge epiphany. It doesn't have to be one or the other - Brian or Antonio. Both men are incredible and brought so much to my life. I treasure my time with both, but neither were right for me. I can take the experiences with both and move forward and eventually find someone who fulfills all my needs. I must have looked crazy because it didn't take long to untangle my headphones and I was standing there for a while. Oh well, I'm sure my revelation didn't bother anyone else.

It's a great feeling to have closure with both relationships. I hope Antonio and I will be great friends. We get along so well and I still care so much about him. I'd be lucky to have him my life. What makes me feel really good is that I want happiness for him more than I want it for myself. He deserves it. And Brian? I really hope that he's content with his life. I can now really be his friend. He no longer has anything that I want other than his friendship. The anger towards everyone in his life is gone and I truly wish them the best. It feels so good to be ready to move forward and finally be at peace.

SideTour: Dinner with a Banker-Turned-Monk

I had such a great time on my first SideTour that I've been checking their website constantly for new experiences. There was one that instantly caught my attention. A banker-turned-monk hosts a small group of people for dinner and conversation about his path. As someone who is constantly finding for my path or any path, I thought it would be a such an insightful experience. The sessions were sold out through the end of June, but I was lucky enough to find out that someone cancelled and I was able to sign up at the last minute for last night's dinner.

I was the first to arrive at The Bhakti Cafe on 2nd Street and 1st Avenue. It's on the ground floor of the monastery, which is located in the East Village. The monk,Rasanath Dasa, introduced himself - not quiet what I expected. He was wearing a hoodie and had a Blackberry. I guess I had envisioned flowy white robes and lots of beads. I have to plead ignorance. I was familiar with the culture at all.

Another monk made us a a delicious meal. We had rice, kale with coconut, some sort of vegetable dumpling and a veggie "meatball". I didn't catch what everything was called and I probably couldn't spell or pronounce it anyway. Bottom line, it was amazing! Plus the monk who made it was super hot. Is that wrong? Hmm..

After everyone had eaten, he started talking and I was almost entranced. He told us of his journey. He worked as a banker on Wall Street and began to see the cracks in the facade. People were so concerned with image and ego. It felt like he was talking only to me. The other people faded away and it was like he was answering the questions I have been asking myself for a while. He wasn't so much trying to recruit, but just share what he's learned in his own life. It's actually a little frustrating because I wanted answers. He talked about the Gita as the teachings his followings. I wanted him to pass out copies or let me sign up. LOL. But seriously, he seemed to have what I wanted.

I think that I'll probably even go to some of their seminars. They provide tools to help you grow and learn. And they make great food. It's a win / win. It was a really insightful and enlightening evening. It's experiences like this that make me so grateful to live in New York where I am surrounded by so many different people and cultures.

50 Shades of Grey

For the past few months, everyone seems to be talking about 50 Shades of Grey. They say it's steamy, kinky and oh so much fun. I'd heard great reviews and I'd heard terrible reviews, so I wasn't sure if it was worth picking up. When I finished The Hunger Games, I didn't really want to start back up again with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I decided I'd use 50 Shades as the perfect distraction. I wasn't sure what to expect. I figured it'd be a lot of juicy sex scenes with flat characters and little depth. I was pleasantly surprised that despite the flaws with the word choice or grammar, it was actually a very touching and emotional story that resonates because it features something we all want - to be desired.

Here's the background (thanks Amazon):

When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms. Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

There's something intriguing about about secrets. Christian doesn't like to be touch or to feel out of control. Slowly, Ana is able to learn that his mother was a crack addict and he was given up for adoption. Eventually we learn that he was a submissive for an older woman when he was 15. 50 Shades of fucked up, as Ana puts it, is right. He's dangerous and mysterious - that is what everyone finds so exciting. That's why everyone calls this book "mommy porn." Most people makes safe choices and it's devilish fun to consider other options.

I must say that I think that people aren't ready this book for the sex. Of course that's part of it, but I don't think it's the main reason. I know it wasn't the reason I couldn't put it down. What EL James creates so well is passion and tension. Christian makes Ana feel so beautiful and desired. He can't keep his hands off her. While not every one is interested in riding crops and shackles, everyone wants to feel wanted. Nothing is easy and nothing is simple. That is the allure of Christian Grey.

The first book ends so abruptly. It felt much more like the end of a chapter, rather than the end of the book. I was somewhat disappointed, but I know there is much more to come. I instantly reached for my iPhone and ordered a copy of the second book in the series - 50 Shades Darker.

Let's so how much more wicked it can get...

SideTour: Pre-Prohibition Cocktails

Josh discovered this website, SideTour, and posted about it on the CitiHabitats Facebook page. He sent me the link and I started looking through all the different available "experiences." The different activities range from urban farming to dumpling tastings to a tour of Manhattan's great graffiti. We both thought Capture the Craft of Pre-Prohibition Cocktails with Modern Twists looked really interesting. Anyone can go to a bar to drink, but how could would it be to meet up with a small group and learn how to make some classic drinks. And for like $30 it was a bargain. We both signed up.

This past Saturday was the event. It was so much fun. We made our way to Brooklyn on the L train (a first for both of us). The SideTour was in Brian Quinn's apartment, which was gorgeous. He is an expert bartender and a wonderful teacher. You could feel his enthusiasm for the art / science of cocktails. I figured that it'd very academic - we'd sit and he'd "teach" us about the drinks and then he'd make them and we'd drink them. No! This was completely interactive.

There were seven us and we gathered around the large bar each had our own sets of mixologist tools (cups, strainers, jiggers). Brian would explain the fundamentals and then we'd make the drinks ourselves. I didn't really like the brown drinks - I think they were made with whiskey. But the drinks with gin were amazing. My favorite was a Gin Fizz - lemon juice, gin and and egg white. I thought it was going to be gross, but it was delicious.

Side note. There was a gay couple in the group. They were standing next to me and were absolutely adorable. I could see the way the one guy, Jordan, look into the other guy's eyes, Jordan. The look of pure happiness and love was sickeningly sweet. I just stood there and felt sad while reminiscing about my recent breakup.. It's such a precious feeling. Oh well. Good for them.

Afterwards, Josh and I went back to civilization...I mean Manhattan. Shockingly, I really enjoyed the hip, eclectic, hipster atmosphere of Williamsburg. It felt like a tight community of people who were anything but snobs - I loved that. We ended up going to a bar in Chelsea where we hung out for a while. He wasn't drinking and I continued sampling my new favorite drink. Eventually we ended up at Shake Shack, which I don't really remember.

It was such a fun night. I felt so young again. Just having a great time and being myself. The SideTour was a great experience. I highly recommend it to anyone. You'll learn, meet new people and have a great time.

Dhoonya Dance

There seems to have been some sort of flipped switch in my life. I love trying new things now. My friend from the office, Josh, mentioned trying a Bollywood dance / exercise class. Since it was only $20, I thought it'd be fun to give it a try. I also really like the idea of hanging out with a friend outside the office. So this past Saturday, we met up outside this performing arts center in Chelsea. I semi-panicked because I instantly wondered if I had to dance in front of others. But it turned out that the dance studio used a room on the third floor.

We walked into the room (me sans socks or shoes - I wanted the authentic experience) and awaited our embarrassing attempt at Bollywood dancing. The teacher was really sweet and a terrific dancer. The music was fast and fun. I loved the beat! There was a huge mirror in front of us, but luckily the curtain was bunched up in front of me. In my mind, I was a natural and flowing in sync with the rest of the class. In actuality, I was probably so goofy looking. So it was a good thing that I couldn't really stare at myself. The Indian guy in the front row was an expert and even had the professional, parachute pants.

I'm glad Josh was in front of me because he wasn't able to constantly see me looking silly. There were some sexy spins and hip gyrations. I thought, "oh, I know this move. I used to do it at Splash." I was also surprised how challenging the class was; much harder than I was expected. I could feel it in my lower body almost instantly. And, even though I always sweat, I sweated profusely.

I loved it! Now that I've gained enough weight (currently 181 lbs), I think I want to do some more to get more cut without losing any weight. An hour class like this is perfect because it's the perfect combination of strength and cardio.

Book Club

I guess you could say that turning 25 was a real quarter-life crisis. For the first time in almost 2 years I was single. I didn't really have a strong circle of friends, aside from my coworkers. It was a really lonely place. I felt bad about myself and I could feel myself retreating. But I honesty think that these past few months have been a new chapter (no pun intended).

One thing I know is that I really need to put myself out there and make friends. I really enjoy reading and I figured that it might be a good way to meet others. I did a quick search and found a book club on the Upper East Side. The organizer, Caitlin, emailed back a short while later and invited me to join the club. I was giddy. The group had met once to decide on a book. A Visit From The Goon Squad. First thing I did after reading her email was to order it on Amazon. It took me a while to finish the book. It wasn't quiet a page-turner. Every chapter was unrelated to the previous chapter. It just wasn't my style, but I'm glad that I finished it.

We met for the first time this past Wednesday to discuss the book and 50 Shades of Grey, which I had mentioned in one of our group emails. Shana, one of our members, offered to let us her apartment for our first meeting. As soon as I walked in the door, I could tell that she was a ball of fire. She was so excited and funny. Her energy is infectious. Caitlin rode the elevator up with with me and she was super fun too. Michelle arrived second and then Jennifer came last. We introduced each other and started to discuss the book. I was shocked at how easily it was to talk with everyone from the start. I could just tell that everyone was genuine.

We had some snacks and lots of wine and Skinny Girl Cosmos. Everyone agreed that the book was a little slow. Not much to discuss there. But we ended up talking about everything else. We discussed my former relationships, Shana's life, Michelle's marriage, and Jennifer's life in Queens. As the wine / cosmos flowed, so did the conversation. We talked about sex, soul mates, waxing, guys, etc. I LOVED IT! It was just an absolute blast. Eventually, Shana's boyfriend, Eric came over with beer and snacks. He was absolutely hot and yet, not a douche. It's so rare to find a hot guy who isn't a stuck up asshole. Good for Shana! He changed into some shorts and hung out with us. I hadn't drank beer in forever, but it reminded me of college. The good old days. I loved how easily I could be myself - fun, sassy and likable.

I know my pattern. I meet new people and instantly have this fantasy about brunches, and trips, dancing to Britney Spears and crying on their shoulders and eating ice cream while watching romantic dramas. It's just what I do; I project. But these girls seem like a lot of fun and they seem like good people. After our somewhat serious discussion of the state of my former relationship, we've decided to read Brida by Paula Coelho, who also wrote The Alchemist, which Eric said was life-changing. I hope to finish 50 Shades of Grey by Monday, so I can start the next book.

I need to not get my hopes up. Friendships take a long time to grow, but I'll just cross my fingers that each meeting of our book clubs is as much fun as our first.