Toddlers, Tiaras, and Trauma

On Friday, Anderson Cooper featured the mothers and daughters of Toddlers and Tiaras. I must admit that I had pretty much made up my mind before he even invited the guests on stage, but I give him credit for remaining as objective as possible. The mother's presented their view that their daughter's love to perform and wear costumes. They discounted the arguments that beauty pageants sexualize children or attract pedophiles. They made a somewhat compelling point that parents push their kids in any activity, whether it be pageants, gymnastics, spelling bees, etc. The audience, which included a psychologist, pretty much let the parents have it for a seemingly oblivious view of the negative consequences of the kiddie pageant circuit.

I can see both sides of the argument. I would imagine that lots of little girls like to play dress up. I have no problem with that. I would also bet that the mothers' argument that pageants have very tight security. There are no random creepers in the audience; just authorized friends and family. I have no problem there either. While some parents may be living vicariously through their children, I'm sure it's not the case for all parents. Even for the parents who are pushing their kids, it's not really different from making them study hard in school or practice in sports. It's not necessarily a good thing, but it isn't isolated to only pageants.

My issue is with the potential for damage in the future. Oprah did an episode of Life class recently on aging and that harm caused when people base their self-worth on their self-image. These little girls are so cute! I'll admit it. They're adorable. I can't help but think that the winners and losers of these pageants eventually all wind up losing. The ones who lose the pageants must not be good enough. But they didn't lose a chess match or a volleyball, they lost a beauty pageant. What does that do to their self-esteem?

So the girls without the crowns lose, but the winners can also lose. Some would argue that it's great for their self-esteem. But I'm thinking about what happens later. Puberty and adulthood causes about a whole host of challenges. Acne, crooked teeth, weight gain, wrinkles are just some of the many things that teens and adults deal with. What happens to a child who was raised in an environment where their appearance is so highly valued? How do they cope with the changes? I think this is one of the dangers of pageants. Developing a healthy self-image is hard enough for average people. When you combine the already difficult challenge of being confident in yourself with an upbringing that associated winning with beauty, it has the potential for disaster.

I also wonder about what the children are being taught at the pageants. On Anderson, we saw a video of one of the mothers telling her to smile and pose for the judges. They are learning to seek out the approval of others. If they want to win, they need to look cute and put on an act for others. I'm thinking of when they're 17 and dating a boy who wants to have sex. They have already learned they need to impress people in order to succeed. I could see a dangerous pattern of unhealthy choices in order to please other and attain their approval.

Who knows what is right? Only the parents can make these decisions for what is right with their children. I just hope parents can make objective decisions without getting sucked into the glitz and glamour.