Friday, March 23, 2012

One Year

Wow! Has it really been one year already? Yep, two days ago was my one year anniversary with Corcoran. It seems hard to imagine that a little over a year ago I was so nervous about my interviews - meeting Pam and Tresa for the first time. I remember everything so vividly. It feels like I've been here forever and just started yesterday.

I do feel that I quickly became part of the team and now it feels like we're more like a family. It's cool how every person is so integral to the group. If one person is missing, it really throws off the whole dynamic of the pod.

It's been a crazy wild ride. Some days have been so hectic - like a tornado. Some days I've met celebrity clients and forced to work on my ability to not get starstruck. I've gone to galas and television show tapings. I've become so accustomed to New York real estate that a $2-3 million apartment seems on the low end. It's been such an enriching, challenging and fun experience.

I'm so grateful for the opportunity. And it's only going to get better.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Madonna World Tour 2012

There really is nothing like a Madonna concert. The amount of precision, coordination and preparation is amazing. I saw her in 2008 during her Sticky and Sweet Tour and loved every minute of it - I actually don't think I have even sat in the seat I paid for. She's getting ready to tour again and I instantly frantically tried to get all the information I could. Luckily, the Madonna community is pretty close-knit and I got all the details before hand.

Naturally, I was a member of her fan club until she restructured it. I'm not exactly sure what changes they made, but it only granted me the ICON Platinum Legacy membership. While that sounds great, it's one step below an ICON Lifetime Legacy membership. Those with the latter memberships were able to order their tickets at 10:00 on a specific date and those with the former memberships could order tickets at 11:00 on the same date. When I read that I thought that I might as well throw my hands in the air in defeat. I wanted the best seats! I didn't want to be in the nosebleed seats or really any seat where I'd have to look up at the video monitors. I was able to order two tickets in Section B6, Row 16. Ugh. They weren't horrible, but they certainly weren't as close as I was for Sticky and Sweet. I couldn't help but be a little disappointed.

I didn't let my less than stellar seats prevent me from seeing a golden business opportunity. I could use my ICON code to purchase two more tickets. Sure, I'd have to carry the balance on my credit card, but I'd then be able to sell them at a much higher price. Now at this point, I now had purchased 4 tickets in decent section for $360 each. Ouch! My credit card felt the burn.

I happened to mention to my boss that I was going to the show and she said that she wanted to go too. It turned out that our company has Yankee season tickets and that came with reserved seats in good sections. My boss was so nice and let me buy tickets for myself and then see if any others in the office wanted to buy tickets. I had all my codes, maps, etc spread out on my desk for the code to become active at 9:00 on a certain date. I started typing the instant it started and I was able to get 2 VIP tickets in Section A7, Row 2. That is one of the closet sections to the stage! It is a little to the left, but they are still amazing seats!! I am sooo excited! The downside? Each ticket was $600. Ouch. I'm drowning in debt - currently around $3000 in credit card debt for one concert.

After unsuccessfully being able to sell my now 4 extra tickets on Stubhub, I sent out an email blast to our company bulletin board. On the second attempt an agent emailed me and bought all 4 tickets - two for himself and two for his friends. Bam! Just like that they were gone. I paid about $1450 for all four tickets and I sold them for a total of $1900. Not a bad profit! I was so relieved to get rid of poor credit card.

Now the exciting part starts! Madonna has been tweeting out pictures and little teasers from rehearsals. No one know what the themes, costumes or set-list are going to be. I can NOT wait! September 6th at Yankee Stadium will be one of the best days of my life. 60,000 seats sold out! I guess it's true - "Music makes the people come together"

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Goodbye Grandpop

For the past several months my dad has been saying how my grandfather was getting older and slowing down. I never really took him too seriously because, in my mind, he seemed exactly the same as he was when I was a little kid. But I knew that he wasn't doing well when my dad told me that he had pneumonia. At 91, pneumonia is a huge hurdle to overcome.

I hoped that everything would be okay, but thought it'd be good to go see him just in case he didn't get better. Michele, Kasey and I drove down last Sunday to visit him. I was shocked when I walked in his room. We had seen him over Christmas and he seemed as sharp and healthy as I always remember him. Now he looked frail and sick. It was heartbreaking. I really didn't even almost remember him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. He was asleep the entire time we were there and we were in and out of his room to allow the nurses to adjust tubes and administer medicine.

We went down to get a balloon and some flowers from the gift shop so he'd know we were there in case he didn't wake up before we left. While we wrote out the card, Michele said that it'd be a good idea to say goodbye because it was probably going to be the last time we'd see him. I didn't know how to react. I've never had to say goodbye to someone. How do you do that? What do you say? We each took some time to privately say goodbye. I sat on the edge of the radiator. I was quiet. I figured that he couldn't hear me anyway, so I didn't feel the need to give a moving monologue. I held his held for a little bit, which felt weird. His hands were so soft and wrinkled, but then I noticed the faded tattoo on his arm from when he was in the Navy. It's so strange how people go from being so young and vibrant and adventurous to being in a hospital bed. It took me a minute or two to get up the courage to kiss him on the cheek and tell him I loved him. I think that's really all that needs to be said. What more can you say?

Michele called me last Wednesday and he passed away earlier that afternoon. I'm so glad that I went down to say goodbye. The funeral was yesterday. It was at the same funeral home that all three of my grandparents' services were held. It looked exactly as I remembered it. I was startled when I saw there they were having an open-casket wake. What? Apparently, that's standard procedure. I'm not a fan. He did look good, but almost fake - like a waxed statue. I walked by the casket and again I felt lost. What do I do? What do I say? Do I pray, cross myself, what? It's so much easier as a child because you're not expected to know what to do. The service was really nice. My aunt did a lovely job with the eulogy. It was rough, though, because I could see my dad crying. I actually can't remember the last time I've seen him cry.

My dad asked me to a pallbearer, which certainly didn't help my anxiety of crowds or pomp and circumstance. I stood behind the hearse and grabbed the handle. Of course, I was standing too far back and my uncle kept stepping on my feet. It was trek! We had to carry this extremely heavy casket up the hill while trying to not slip on the soft ground or step on other grave markers. I guess I can count that as a workout. It was really special when the Navy came for the burial. They played Taps on the bugle and folded the flag and gave it to my aunt. It was a very dignified and respectful recognition of his service to his country.

All the events of the past few days really got me thinking. What made me so sad yesterday was the realization that I'm going to have to do this for my parents. One day, I will have to get up and give a eulogy for my mom and pick out a casket for my dad. It's so sad to think of them getting older and losing their independence. I made sure that I told everyone that I loved them, especially my parents. I also thought about how incredible my grandfather's life was. He was in World War II, was married for 50 years to the same woman and lived to be 91. He had quite a life! I should really learn to live each day to the fullest, like he did.

I'm gonna miss you, Grandpop. Rest in peace and give Grandmom a big hug for me.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


It felt physically impossible to get out of bed this morning. Sure, I had to pee and I was hungry but I just couldn't will myself to stumble the twenty steps to the bathroom. Eventually I was able to move to the couch. I watched The Grudge. Arguably, Sarah Michelle Geller had a worse day than I did.

Antonio and I broke up last night. I began to feel like we were so good together, but also so good apart. I didn't feel like I couldn't live without him. I didn't have that nauseous, nervous, butterfly feeling in my stomach when I saw him. That always worried me. I can remember taking cabs home after great dates and smiling and feeling content. Is that the same thing? Is that better or worse?

I felt paralyzed when the issue of moving in together came up. I'd only been living along for about a year. I'd only one other boyfriend (and even that title doesn't really count). Am I ready? Is he the one? Can anyone know that at 24? If don't know now, will I ever? Is breaking up necessary? Why can't I let lower these walls I put up?

With all these questions, it seemed like breaking up was a good idea. Now that we did the teary-eyed goodbye, I find myself thinking "what the fuck was I thinking?" I feel dead inside. It feels like someone cut me in half. Antonio is my best friend and now that I can't text him whenever I want or go see him, it feels like a part of me is missing. I don't get it. I thought that I'd feel like I was doing the right thing, but now I'm so confused.

I was at the gym tonight and I was putting my stuff in the locker and I was distracted and I noticed that I felt sad. In that split second that I forgot why I was sad, I thought, "oh, I should tell Antonio about this." Then I remember that not having him was why I was sad.

It's ironic. Part of the reason we broke up is because I didn't have that butterfly in my stomach feeling. Now that I don't have him, I have...well not much of anything in my stomach because it's too much effort to eat anything. Did I give up to easily? I feel like I never made an effort to talk and I'm paying the consequences of it now.

He had said that I need to date other people because I'm young. But I don't want that. He's an amazing man that I love. Why did I fuck this up? We didn't use to see each other much during the week. It was one of the things that I always felt was kind of off. But now I wish that I had made that effort. I would give anything to have the option of spending time with him. If I could do it over again, I would talk and be a total lesbian and share my feelings.

I wish that he'd come and rescue me from myself. I wish that he would read this and see how crazy I am. I wish that I could fix this...