A friend texted me that I should join him and some of his new friends at a gay bar in Hell's Kitchen. It was late and I had just got back from seeing a show at Lincoln Center with some friends. I really just wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Ah, there's something so appealing about sweats and television. But he convinced so I put on my tightest shorts, skimpiest tank top and poured Skinny Girl Cosmo into a water bottle (so sneaky).
I met everyone at the Flaming Saddle. I jokingly texted my friend that I the self-loathing and judgment were palpable. The constant eye raping was intense. I just kept looking at everyone else and wondering if I was as toned / muscular as them aka as good as them. It's sad that our culture is so obsessed with abs and biceps, but you can't fight city hall. The more you drink, the less anxiety you feel.
We stayed at the Flaming Saddle for like 2 seconds. They were showing old Dolly Parton movies. It had a fun vibe, but not quite dirty enough. I haven't gone clubbing in a long, long time so I wanted to really dance. Next we went to Posh, which was super fun. It was packed and so hot (and by that, I mean temperature). They put the bathroom right next to the dance floor so we constantly had to move when people went in and out - not the wisest interior design move. I also noticed that no one wanted to dance with me except the friends that I was with. This was very disconcerting and terrible for my self-esteem.
About an hour later, we went to our third and final stop of the night, Therapy. I got drinks on the first floor and then headed upstairs with our group. It was fun! I ended up dancing with this guy named Fernando for what felt like hours. At first I loved it and was having a great time, but then I got bored. I knew I wasn't gonna hook up with him, so he was just temporary scenery. Rihanna's Birthday Cake Remix was the turning point. Before that song it was pretty tame, but that song gets me every time (and I hate myself for supporting something featuring Chris Brown). I was Jersey Turnpiking more than someone commuting to the city through the Holland Tunnel. I remember everything being a huge blur, but not the alcoholic haze kind of blur. They played It's Raining Men and it felt like a huge celebration. At one point, a guy took my shirt off (thank God for my Equinox membership). I instantly thought, "Hmm...I can't walk down the street with no shirt." Luckily he pulled it through my belt light. The dark club lights did a great job at hiding my paleness. Everyone knows Wendy William's saying about 3:00 am. Nothing good happens after 3:00 am. So we all left the club drenched in sweat. I crashed as soon as I got home. But Pride Weekend was just getting started.
The parade is the grand finale. Yes, there are drag queens in heels and hairy men in chaps with leather hats. These are definitely moments that scare southern Republican Baptists (not that anyone cares). But there's so much more to the parade. I saw a woman marching with her gay son. There were church groups with signs proclaiming that Jesus loves everyone. It's so nice to see such love. That is really the main theme of the parade - love. Everyone just wants to love and be loved. I don't see why so many people find that threatening or disgusting. Oh well, it's their problem.
Another thing I love about the parade is that it is such a unifying event. So many cultures come together. African-Americans, Hispanics, Whites all march together unified by our common bond (our sexuality or maybe just our humanity). There are so many races, religious and ethnic groups all celebrating and it's not something you see every day. We are so divided all the time that it's really a great thing that everyone can unify and march for a common goal.
Pride Weekend is full of contradictions. The clubs and bars are all about body fat percentage and chest size. It's sad and definitely not healthy. But then the parade is all about celebrating you. There were overweight people and older people. It's all about loving who you are and not being able to show it. With the help of a wonderful family and amazing friends, I'm proud of who I am every single day. But for one weekend a year, it's great to really show the world my true rainbow colors and celebrate who I am with the rest of New York City.
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