Post-Quake / Pre-Irene

Wow! An earthquake in Manhattan is such an oddity. But that's exactly what we got earlier this week. I remember standing at a urinal in our bathroom and someone coming up next to me and asked I felt the rumbling. First of all, please don't talk to me when I'm going to the bathroom. I have to concentrate with others around. Second of all, no I didn't feel anything. They are renovating the lobby of our building so I figured that it was just part of the construction. But to my surprise, my colleagues tell me that there was an earthquake. And I missed it. Aw shucks. I was a little disappointed.

So I missed one minor natural disaster. Now we're preparing for Hurricane Irene. I never really get excited about hurricanes. They seem like a Floridian problem. Yeah, sure we get some rain and wind, but it's never anything major. That's what I thought until about four hours ago. From reading the NY Daily News and talking with my co-workers, I've learned that this is going to be a historic storm. Now, I'm conflicted. I'm a little excited because there's a certain adrenaline rush with all this impending doom. But I'm also nervous. I highly doubt there will be any damage, but I do have two big windows and a non-removable, window A/C unit. I'm just picturing the glass breaking and ruining my $850, LG flat-screen or relatively new furniture. I'm also nervous for my friend, Jackie, who's leaving for vacation in Spain Wednesday. I would feel so bad for her if her flight were to be delayed or cancelled. After worry about the improbable scenarios, I begin to realize that I'm not really prepared. I don't have enough canned food. I am almost out of toilet paper. I've only go three bottles of water. I don't have flashlights (necessary in a studio?), batteries, matches, radio - nothing, though I feel most of these items are more appropriate for an excursion in the wilderness rather than my little apt in the eat 70s.

Still, it's hard to look off my boss' terrace, see the clear sky and imagine that the world is going to end in about twenty-four hours. I guess I'll just prepare for the worst as best I can. I'll just take Britney's advice and "keep dancing till he world ends"

Patience / Out of Sync

Sometimes life's lessons are vague and hard to see, but last night I got a lesson that was crystal clear. Be patient! Everyone says that patience is a virtue - it's become a platitude, something that's printed on fortune cookies. But I feel that this message is so important, especially for New Yorkers. Life is so rush, rush rush and we want what we want and we want it now. But last night really made me step back and think again.

I had connected my iPhone to my computer so I could play the music through our wireless speakers at work. It was a little after 6:00 and I was ready to leave, but it was taking so long to sync that I just pulled the plug. I noticed as I was getting on the elevator that my library was empty. It was weird; I could cycle through my music by clicking "now playing" but couldn't see any of the music that was in my library. I figured that I'd just sync it when I got home and that'd fix the problem. If I had just been patient and waited for it to finish, this wouldn't have happened. I could chalk that one up a minor inconvenience. I hadn't learned anything yet.

I got home and turned on my laptop to sync up my iPhone. I was prompted to update to the latest version of iTunes so I did that while syncing. It didn't work the first time - I assumed because I was updating iTunes. So I Ctrl-Al-Deleted iTunes so I could stop the installation. This, which I should have known, would mess up all the files in the iTunes folders. Great! Now I had to re-install iTunes. I just knew that all my songs would be gone and I'd have to repopulate my library. All my play counts, play lists, everything be gone.

Luckily, the library was still there. Everything was just how I left it. I reconnected my iPhone and everything synced properly. The only last effect was that I got to the gym about an hour later than I wanted. If I had just taken an extra 10 seconds to finish syncing at work, the whole situation could have been avoided. And if I had just taken an extra 10 minutes to install the new version of iTunes, even more time could have been saved. It was like a double whammy! It really made me sit and think. A little patience goes a long way.

War Horse

Antonio and I went to see War Horse at Lincoln Center for his birthday. I feel like an experience is always a good present. It's something that one remembers much more vividly than a gift that sits on a shelf or in a corner. I was surprised that I was able to get tickets because it was the "it" play of the season. I'm glad that we were able to see it on his actual birthday.

It was really nice. We just grabbed dinner from a cart outside the theater and sat at a table across the street. It was relaxing. The Upper West Side has a cool factor that you would expect in TriBeCa, but it also has an elegance that personifies Uptown Manhattan. It was clean, breezy, trendy. If we do end up moving in together, I'll be pushing hard for an apartment on the UWS.

The theater was actually very small. The seats were very close together - no leg room, but it did give a sense of intimacy. There were no bad seats. The show was absolutely amazing! The puppetry of the horses, birds, ducks was incredible. I felt myself becoming attached to the horse (Joey) because his movements were so realistic. The story was good, but it was definitely the production that made War Horse such a huge hit. The staging, lighting, simple (and at the same time sophisticated) visuals were all impeccable. I found myself jumping from the explosions and gunshots and crying from the reunion of the Albert (boy) and Joey (horse) at the end.

Loved, loved, loved it! We left the theater around 11:00. It was gorgeous - cool, calm, quiet. I really like the feeling that I had. I felt like this could be my life. I could have a real life with Antonio. We'd live in a fabulous glass tower on the UWS, go to restaurants, eat organic food, be patrons of the arts, etc. Just something I think about from time to time.

Femme Fatale Tour

I always purchase tickets to Britney Spears at the last minute. I wanted to see her most recent tour but figured that tickets would be sold out and then re-sold online for 10x the price. I was pleasantly surprised when I found floor seats to her show in East Rutherford for only $200 each. Antonio and I thought it'd be fun to go. Just like that (with very little planning) we were going to see Brit Brit!

Last Friday arrived and we set off for the show. The shuttle from the Seacacus train station was like a party bus. Everyone was excited, singing - it was comical and fun. We got the stadium and went to find out seats, but our tickets weren't scanning. They said to go around to the box office on the other side of the arena and they'd take care of it. I tried having them scanned at the entrance and they still didn't work. Hmm...now I'm getting worried. We walked up to the box office representatives only to hear the worst possible news. They told me that they'd seen the name of the my tickets before and that the tickets were fake. They told me that there was nothing they could do. It was like someone punched me in the stomach and then the face. I had no idea what to do. She suggested that I called Stubhub (where I bought the tix) and see if they could do anything.

Antonio's never really seen me mad, but he got a glimpse. We walked outside so I could get a signal and I called them. They were apologetic and said they'd instantly refund my entire purchase. That's great, but doesn't change the fact that I'm less than 100 yards from the stage. It's like being so close and yet so far. The woman on the phone asked me to hold while she transferred me to her supervisor. He supervisor then put me on hold for about 10 minutes. I had already bit all my nails, so I was now gnawing on my cuticles. She got back on the phone and said that they had a pair of tickets that we could have and that a guy in a green hat was going to be outside the box office. He called while I was talking to her and I could see him. I walked up and he just pulled out two tickets and handed them to me. The whole thing was a little shady.

We walked up to the ticket scanner and was like, "let's see if these ones work." They did and we were in! It was such a great feeling. We wanted to get to our seats before buying t-shirts, getting food or going to the bathroom. They had people stationed every couple feet to help direct people to their seats. They kept telling us to keep going. We didn't stop until we were in the section in front of the stage. Our seats were right on the end. There was nothing separating us from the stage except a thin, metal walkway that had to be kept clear for the security guards. It was absolutely surreal. It was a roller coaster. I was so excited on the bus, devastated when I was told that my tickets were fake, and then brought back to life by refunding my money AND getting two, front-row tickets($350.00 each) for FREE!

I got my t-shirt, which I was really excited about, and then we went back to our seats. Nicki Minaj had already started her set and she was amazing! She did her hits and then the verses she has on all the hits she's done with other artists. I was surprised! For her first tour, it was very elaborate and the staging was precise. The video screens, dancers and props were all on point. After Nicki Minaj the countdown began. We had thirty-five minutes until Britney was scheduled to take the stage.

Just like the last time I saw Britney (The Circus Tour in 2009), she really blew me away. She didn't sing, but her dancing was better than her last tour. A Britney concert is never really about the music. It's about the spectacle. There were strobe lights, sexy dancers, confetti, video screens. It's like a overload for the senses. The music was great - all dancing, all the time (except for one ballad). What made me the happiest was that SHE seemed happy. It looked like she was really enjoying herself. The theme of the show was a little confusing, but she seemed to dressing up like femme fatales throughout history. My favorites were her Egyptian remix of Gimme More and Marilyn Monroe-esque version of If U Seek Amy. She ended the show with the remix of Till the World Ends featuring Nicki Minaj. She flew over the audience while wearing angel wings as confetti rained down. It was pure ecstasy.

Fire Island

One of the best parts of my job at Corcoran is that it allows me a whole new world of experiences. This past weekend was one of those experiences. Ernie, one of our managers in the Hamptons, invited Antonio and I out to his house on Fire Island. I was skeptical and a little nervous at first. I wasn't sure what to expected, but I worried when the shuttle driver gave me an ominous warning. As I got off the shuttle at the ferry dock, she looked at me and said, "Good luck!".

We took a quick ferry ride over to the island and were greeted by hundreds of people dancing in the club above the dock. Ernie met us at the dock and walked us back to his house. It's an interesting island - there is one main, dirt road. There are boardwalks that expand out from the main road. That's it! There are no cars, no fancy stores. Ernie's house was gorgeous! It was a 6 bedroom home on the ocean. It was impeccably furnished with a beautiful pool. Our room had a view of the ocean - it was like a resort.

Our weekend was really relaxed. We had dinner with Ernie and his friends on Friday night. It was spectacular - in taste and presentation. When gays put their minds to something they rarely do it half-assed. After dinner, we went down to the beach. It was a clear night. It was amazing to hear the waves crash and see the moon and the stars. We had breakfast that next morning at Jim and Jerry's house. They are Ernie's neighbor and they are the definition of fabulous. They lead these incredibly cultured and extravagant lifestyles. They were artistic and witty...and hot! Who knew old men could be so sexy? Antonio and I joked that we could see the power of self-loathing and low self-esteem. Being comfortable with yourself leads to complacency. We laughed as we said this, but kind of feel that neither of us were joking.

We spent all day on Saturday - either on the beach or by the pool. It was so much fun! We watched the sexy guys play volleyball, enjoyed the sun, walked along the water. It was so relaxing because it was completely comfortable. Fire Island is primarily a gay paradise. Guys will hold hands, kiss, dance and there are no disapproving stares. We went to Tea that night. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I figured it wouldn't be like an afternoon in a British home. The bar was packed! It was so crowded, but still fun. We saw Rodney from The A-List New York and no one cared. On Fire Island, he's just another hot guy. We went upstairs and saw Lena T - a transgendered DJ. She was great and the crowd loved her. The deck was shaking with all the jumping up and down and dancing. Lastly, we went to the Pavilion. It was a hot, sweaty mess. Every current gay icon was blasting through the speakers - Britney, Ke$ha, Katy, Gaga, Beyonce. We had a wonderful dinner complete with organic, home-grown veggies and delicious pasta. This morning, we got up and spent some time at the pool before we left to go back to the real world.

This mini vacation will stick out in my mind because it was such a departure from my comfort zone. I was nervous because everyone I met was an alpha male. I felt that I was being judged. I knew that I was the palest person on the beach and also not the most muscular. It's hard to be comfortable with yourself when everyone else is so attractive and carefree. But we did see plenty of people who were...a little too comfortable with themselves. I saw so many old, naked men! Good for them! When I'm 60 and wrinkly, I hope that I have the self-esteem requisite to walking around the beach with so many hot, young guys around.

I also found the weekend inspiring. Ernie and all his friends are the best in their fields. They were so glamorous, regal and fun! It felt like a movie. It made me want to go out, work hard, get my real estate license and buy my own place on Fire Island. Okay, let's start small. I'll start with a quarter-share on the island. It was a vision of what is possible. It's interesting because the island (specifically, The Pines - where we stayed), have both an intense sexual and innocent feeling at the same time. There are times when everyone seems focused on their bodies and judging everyone. There are also times when people were just concerned with play volleyball or dancing. It's a weird dichotomy. Some of Ernie's friends would walk around naked, but it didn't feel sexual. It felt like a very free-spirited place.

I'm glad to be back in the city. I like the hustle and bustle and ability to go anywhere and get anything I want 24/7. But I'll also miss the lazy, island relaxation. It's like the entire island is simply concerned with having a good time. I feel like this weekend was an initiation and I feel like I passed the test. I can't wait to go back. I am so grateful to Ernie and everyone I met this weekend. Everyone was incredibly warm and welcoming. Maybe next time, I'll come back a little less...crispy. Ooh, this sunburn is going to suck tomorrow.

Untied

I just finished Meredith Baxter's new autobiography, Untied. It was a sad, yet hopeful (and frustrating at times) memoir of a woman who seems to have finally found peace. I found myself wondering why she stayed with so many men who mistreated her. It was her introspective look at her childhood and own experiences that finally lead her to clarity. It may have taken her over fifty years, but she seems to finally comfortable in her own skin. It may seem odd but I can really relate to her story. Of course, I'm not a middle-aged lesbian, but her story being completely self-centered while and simultaneously lacking a shred of self-worth resonated with me.

Meredith grew up in a cold and distant household. Her mother and father-figures gave her everything except love and attention. At a young age, she began to feel that there was something wrong with her. She reasoned that her mother's emotional absence was her fault. Her childhood shaped the relationships she formed as an adult. When her now ex-husband, David Birney, would belittle and denigrate her, she felt she must have deserved it. She wouldn't question the abuse because she believed that her perceived faults gave others the right to treat her that way.

At the same time, she was completely self-centered. Everything was about her. Over the course of three marriages, she had five children. She loved them all, though her dedication seemed questionable at times. She would use her career as an actress to get out of the tense household for weeks at a time while filming movies on location. She would leave her children with David and nannies because she simply needed a break. She wanted to get away from him and would do it by any means necessary, even if that meant not protecting them from David’s judgmental and hard parenting style. She started drinking casually on the set of Family Ties, but it escalated over time. Eventually, she was driving home from tapings with a tumbler of wine in between her legs. She began drinking even more heavily after divorcing David after fifteen years of marriage. She would drink to the point that she would black out and be unable to care for her children. She was living her life with only regard to her own pain. Eventually, she started attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and began going to therapy to work out her emotional scars.

I can relate. There are times when I feel so small; so insignificant. I'm just one person - do I matter? I don’t really see anything special about myself. I’m average. I think both Meredith and I have issues with self-worth. Her's stemmed from a troubled childhood and I'm beginning to see that mine is tied to an unrealistic body image. The roots are different, but the feelings of unworthiness are the same. At the same time, I feel that everything is about me. When I walk down the street, from machine to machine at the gym, or around the office at work, I feel that people are judging. They are looking at me and picking out my flaws. It's ironic that I feel so small and insignificant and yet think that I garner the undivided scrutiny and attention of everything that sees me. I am self-centered. Where do I go from here?

I am grateful that Meredith wrote her story. It gave me a new perspective. With deeper thought and examining of my own issues, I think I can avoid being a sexually confused, alcoholic TV mom. Her sharing her own pain will definitely help others. I am happy for her. She seems to have finally found contentment with her partner, Nancy. It’s been a long road of healing and she deserves nothing but happiness, as do we all.

Beyoncé - 4

Some of my favorite albums are ones that critics and the general audience don’t really like. I loved Kelly Clarkson’s My December and Madonna’s American Life, which were both commercially unsuccessful. I even enjoy Christina Aguilera’s Bionic, which was dismissed as a cheap ploy to copy Lady Gaga’s style. It should come as no surprise to me that I really enjoy Beyoncé’s new album, 4. It’s much different that her previous albums or her work with Destiny’s Child. It feels mature and thoughtful. It’s obvious that she did some introspective soul-searching before stepping back in the studio after her previous album, I Am…Sasha Fierce. Let’s break it down, track by track.

1) 1+1 – This is not a radio-friendly song and a poor choice as the 2nd single. It’s a slow ballad, but Beyoncé sings it beautifully. She can really hit the high notes. Couple her beautiful voice with simple melodies and deep lyrics.
2) I Care – This is another slow song about love. It doesn’t really stand out in my mind, though I listen to it as I go through the album.
3) I Miss You – I LOVE this song! It’s so simple and ethereal. Her voice is haunting! She really nailed this one.
4) Best Thing I Never Had – This has the potential to be a mildly successful single. I like it, but feel like it’s a poor man’s Irreplaceable. It sounds a little dated and the flow of the song just doesn’t appeal to me.
5) Party (Feat. André 3000) – Beyoncé doesn’t really have the urban sound like she’s used in past albums. Party feels like a smooth groove that is fun without being the trashy, drunken escapades by the likes of Ke$ha. André 3000 does a great job, though there are times I mistake him for Kanye.
6) Rather Die Young – This song is a slow burn. I’m just envisioning her singing in a room surrounded by candles and sheer curtains. It’s a great love song.
7) Start Over – This is when I recognized that love is the theme of the album. I love the chorus and it’s sung beautifully.
8) Love On Top – To me, this song sound like a total throwback to the early 90s. It’s got a very upbeat and innocent feel. I could definitely see Whitney Houston sining this song back in her good years. I like it, but it’s the next few songs that really make the album fantastic.
9) Countdown – This song is as gangsta as Beyoncé gets on the album. The chorus is a little hard to understand but it’s still pretty cool. It’s fast and fun!
10) End of Time – Anyone who knows my musical tastes would know that I love marching bands. It’s just one of the sounds that resonate with me. End of Time is a great love song with that marching beat.
11) I Was Here – MY FAVORITE!! This is such a deep and meaningful song. It’s about wanting to leave your mark on the world and being remembered. I think anyone can relate to this song. The sweeping instruments and flawless, powerful vocals are perfect!
12) Run The World (Girls) – This was the first single and only a moderate hit. I didn’t like it when it was first released but came to love it, especially after she released the video. I actually downloaded an MP3 of the video version because I love that gritty introduction. It’s definitely more like something that Katy Perry would released, though it still has a little urban flair.

The cover of the standard edition is horrendous. She looks trashy wearing a fur without a shirt. She has deep smoky eyes and greasy, dirty hair. It’s just not her. What is surprising is that the image does not match the album’s tone at all. I prefer the cover from the deluxe edition. It’s much more regal and classy.

Overall, I really like the album. It’s not great for the gym or any occasion that requires a lot of energy and electricity. It’s a sultry, graceful progression in Beyoncé’s career. It may not be a blockbuster like her previous albums, but I think it’ll go down as her most meaningful.