Goodbye Grandpop

For the past several months my dad has been saying how my grandfather was getting older and slowing down. I never really took him too seriously because, in my mind, he seemed exactly the same as he was when I was a little kid. But I knew that he wasn't doing well when my dad told me that he had pneumonia. At 91, pneumonia is a huge hurdle to overcome.

I hoped that everything would be okay, but thought it'd be good to go see him just in case he didn't get better. Michele, Kasey and I drove down last Sunday to visit him. I was shocked when I walked in his room. We had seen him over Christmas and he seemed as sharp and healthy as I always remember him. Now he looked frail and sick. It was heartbreaking. I really didn't even almost remember him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. He was asleep the entire time we were there and we were in and out of his room to allow the nurses to adjust tubes and administer medicine.

We went down to get a balloon and some flowers from the gift shop so he'd know we were there in case he didn't wake up before we left. While we wrote out the card, Michele said that it'd be a good idea to say goodbye because it was probably going to be the last time we'd see him. I didn't know how to react. I've never had to say goodbye to someone. How do you do that? What do you say? We each took some time to privately say goodbye. I sat on the edge of the radiator. I was quiet. I figured that he couldn't hear me anyway, so I didn't feel the need to give a moving monologue. I held his held for a little bit, which felt weird. His hands were so soft and wrinkled, but then I noticed the faded tattoo on his arm from when he was in the Navy. It's so strange how people go from being so young and vibrant and adventurous to being in a hospital bed. It took me a minute or two to get up the courage to kiss him on the cheek and tell him I loved him. I think that's really all that needs to be said. What more can you say?

Michele called me last Wednesday and he passed away earlier that afternoon. I'm so glad that I went down to say goodbye. The funeral was yesterday. It was at the same funeral home that all three of my grandparents' services were held. It looked exactly as I remembered it. I was startled when I saw there they were having an open-casket wake. What? Apparently, that's standard procedure. I'm not a fan. He did look good, but almost fake - like a waxed statue. I walked by the casket and again I felt lost. What do I do? What do I say? Do I pray, cross myself, what? It's so much easier as a child because you're not expected to know what to do. The service was really nice. My aunt did a lovely job with the eulogy. It was rough, though, because I could see my dad crying. I actually can't remember the last time I've seen him cry.

My dad asked me to a pallbearer, which certainly didn't help my anxiety of crowds or pomp and circumstance. I stood behind the hearse and grabbed the handle. Of course, I was standing too far back and my uncle kept stepping on my feet. It was trek! We had to carry this extremely heavy casket up the hill while trying to not slip on the soft ground or step on other grave markers. I guess I can count that as a workout. It was really special when the Navy came for the burial. They played Taps on the bugle and folded the flag and gave it to my aunt. It was a very dignified and respectful recognition of his service to his country.

All the events of the past few days really got me thinking. What made me so sad yesterday was the realization that I'm going to have to do this for my parents. One day, I will have to get up and give a eulogy for my mom and pick out a casket for my dad. It's so sad to think of them getting older and losing their independence. I made sure that I told everyone that I loved them, especially my parents. I also thought about how incredible my grandfather's life was. He was in World War II, was married for 50 years to the same woman and lived to be 91. He had quite a life! I should really learn to live each day to the fullest, like he did.

I'm gonna miss you, Grandpop. Rest in peace and give Grandmom a big hug for me.