Peter and the Starcatcher

Anne, our PR director and I are obsessed with Smash. We always dissect each episode and ponder what might happen next every Tuesday morning. It's become a ritual. When it was announced that Christian Borle, who plays Tom on Smash, was going to star in the Broadway version of Peter and the Starcatcher, it was a no-brainer that we had to go together.

We went out for dinner before the show. She knew of this awesome hole-in-the-wall near the theater called Bar Centrale. To look at the entrance, you would think it was somebody's home. It looks just like any other brownstone, but people in community (not exactly sure what community that is) know about it. You walk up the steps and then you're in this cute, artsy restaurant. We had a great dinner with strong drinks.

We got to the theater about ten minutes before the curtain came up. We had front row seats in the mezzanine - a perfect few of the stage. It was also super nice that Anne paid for my ticket for my birthday. I have to admit that I was a little apprehensive about the show. Up until the day before the show, I was under the impression that it was a musical. It wasn't until a saw a commercial for it and the announce said that it was the hottest new "play" on Broadway. Huh? You mean no singing and dancing and chorus boys? :-(

But I am happy to report that the show was fantastic. Rather than retell the synopsis, I'll just copy it from Broadway.com (that's consider citing, right? Ugh. I guess I should do a bibliography too).

Peter and the Starcatcher provides a humorous and fantastical backstory for the beloved character of Peter Pan and his arch-nemesis Captain Hook. In this wickedly imaginative play, we meet a poor orphaned child on the high seas simply called Boy because, in the absence of a mother and a father, he was never given a name. His sad and lonely world is turned upside down when he meets Molly. The daughter of famous Starcatcher Lord Astor, our heroine is on a mission to save the world and protect a treasure trunk filled with magical star stuff from getting into the hands of evil and greedy pirate Black Stache. As they travel aboard the Neverland ship headed for a faraway land, Molly and Boy learn about love, friendship and forge an unbreakable bond

The thing that struck me was the HUMOR in the show. I was cracking up all the time. There were contemporary jokes, fart jokes, and just good old-fashioned slap-stick comedy. Christian Borle was a maniac. On Smash, he is so muted and serious. I was shocked to see him jumping and screaming and being silly. I loved it! There were two or three songs and they were hilarious. It was a very fun, whimsical show that also had a heart. The actor who played Peter made the audience feel the pain of being an orphan with no name. Flawless!

La Mano Pottery

My search for a new hobby continues. My sister and brother-in-law were really into pottery for a while and they've made some really beautiful pieces. I wondered if the gift could possibly be genetic. I found a pottery studio in Chelsea that offered introductory workshops. Hey, $75 isn't bad if it leads to a critically acclaimed pottery career or, at the very least, a fun evening outside my apartment.

I started with the hand-building class because they told me it was easier than the wheel class. We had 10 people in our group - three friends (including one woman who was 8 months pregnant), two couples, and another pair of friends and me. Everyone was really friendly and it was a fun night. I love having some sort of social interaction outside of work.

The teacher showed us how to make a simple cup with a handle. She admitted that it took years of practice to become good. I wasn't listening. I wanted to create a masterpiece in about 15 minutes. Obviously, it didn't work that way. Everyone else was making vases and mugs with ornate patterns and textures. And I'm just sitting there with a flat piece of clay and some bad designs. I was quickly losing steam and interest. But I kept going and eventually did make a pretty cool cup with a neat, square, tiled texture. I slipped and scored the bottom so it'd stay together. It was, technically, a cup / pencil holder / abstract vase. But it wasn't quite done. I rolled out some more clay and made a matching, textured rim for it. I was actually quite satisfied with the way it turned out. I decided to save it. I'll need to wait for about 3 weeks while they let it dry, fire it and then glaze it.

The teacher explained that it's a skill that can be learned. I'd like to stick with it and get good. Michele and Kasey say that it's a good way to clear your head because you have to focus on what you're doing. The plan is to do the introductory wheel class and see how that goes. If I enjoy it, then I'll consider signing up for an 8-week class. I'm so excited that I may have found a new hobby.

My Week at Equinox

I know that I'm always searching for something; the next big thing. It's just my personality, so I was really excited when my friend, Martha, got me a 7-day trial membership at Equinox. Equinox is, by far, the nicest gym in city. It's a completely full-service gym / spa. The club at Rockefeller Center actually gives you gym clothes to train in and they have digital lockers. You could literally walk in off the gym with nothing, workout, shower, shave, brush your teeth and then walk out. The gym I did most of my training was the club on 63rd and Lex. Since I can lift weights anywhere, I decided to only take their classes.

Last Friday, we ran from the office to the club on 63rd and Lex to take two classes. We did Bottoms Up and Cardio Sculpt. Each were really intense. After Bottoms Up, I felt nauseous and / or like I was about to pass out. But I didn't want to look weak so I pushed through it. After the end of Cardio Sculpt, I was ready to get the hell out of there. But then Martha asked me if I wanted to stay for Zumba. Hmm...I'd heard that it was the latest fitness trend. It's like aerobic moves set to music? Right before it starts, Martha turns to me and asks, "do you know how to dance?" Cue the music! It fell like I walked into a JLo video. I was completely out of my element. The sexy, Latin teacher was super hot and he could dance! It was lots of dirty dancing. I usually need two-three drinks to start dancing like this. I'm sure it's great, but just not for me.

On Sunday I did MetCon3. It sounded like a video game or some intense military program. Hot, sweaty soldiers? Yum! Yes please. It was a great class. There were more guys, compared to the very lady-centered Zumba class. The thing I realized is that Equinox instructors are really passionate about what they teach. I went again on Monday for 30/60/90 and ABS-olution. Both were great! I was surprised how different exercises were so much harder. I had always thought that my abs were pretty strong, but this class was a challenge.

Martha and I did a short abs class on Wednesday and followed it with Cardio Kickboxing. The abs were a great warm-up, but the kickboxing was the real fun. The gym actually had punching stands and gloves for everyone (something Bally's would never do). Though to be honest, I was impressed that Equinox gives out towels. The people at work called me a Beverly Hillbilly. LOL. I liked the fighting techniques and thought it was a good way to work out aggression, though I won't be signing up to be a MMA fighter anytime soon. My last two classes were last Thursday. I did Liquid Strength with Story VonHolzhausen. It was insane! The movements were so precise and form was vital. She really knew what she was talking about. If I ever got a personal trainer, I'd love it to be her...or a beefy hot Jersey Shore-type guy.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. My membership has expired and I am in no position to shell out $174 a month for all the amazing amenities. On of the best parts was getting to hang out with Martha. I am really trying to branch and extend my social life beyond 9:00 to 6:00 Monday through Friday. This Monday I will start back up at my ghetto gym on 106 and 3rd. I also loved how Equinox is much more than a gym. It's a lifestyle. It's a luxury. I feel rejuvenated. I've taken a break from lifting, burned a lot of fan and ready to get back into my routine. The best part is that I'll be able to take some of the many things I learned at Equinox back with me. As soon as I'm debt-free, I'll be back at Equinox.

25

I've never really wanted to celebrate my birthday less than I did this year. It's been a little rough lately. My breakup with Antonio is still weighing heavily on my mind. I'm also finding myself focusing on the negative, rather than the positive. My original plan was to just let me birthday pass as any other day. I'd go to the gym, go grocery shopping, and maybe go to Subway for dinner. But then I started thinking. Rather than focusing on what isn't going perfectly in my life, I decided to remember all the amazhing things that I do have.

I decided to have a small dinner with a few of my friends from work. I didn't want it to be a big production, just something intimate and fun. I found a great restaurant in the hip, West Village. Martha, Andy, Connie and Suzanne (and their respective significant others) all gathered on Saturday for my big day. I bought a new shirt (tight-fitting and short in the sleeves) and a new pair of shoes that looked perfect without socks and my jeans cuffed. I felt so bohemian.

I'm not one for surprises. I like to be in control and know what's going on. I was certainly in for a shock on Saturday. We're all sitting in our corner table, laughing, and drinking. All of a sudden, I see my boss, Pam, and her husband, Michael walk in. I was FLOORED! They joined us to wish my a happy birthday, a few drinks and lots of laughs. I was so completely surprised and really touched that they came. I usually stress about work and if I'm doing a good enough job, but she dispelled my fears in a reply to a thank you email I sent her around 12:30 that night. She said she adored me and loved having me on the team. It absolutely made my night.

We did have plans to go to the Boom Boom Room at the Standard Hotel, but I just wasn't feeling it. I'd had about 4-5 margaritas and I just wanted to crawl into bed. I hugged everyone and thanked them for coming and headed home. I have to admit that I wanted to text Antonio. I even had the text typed, but I just couldn't send it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him again, so I need to avoid the selfish temptation to see him. I have a lot of things to figure out, but I'm not going to put him in the middle of my own issues.

I ended up walking home. I walked from 7th Avenue South and 10th Street to 76th Street and 3rd Avenue. That's at least 4 miles. But I was chatting with one of my best friends from college, Justin. He really makes me reconsider talking to a therapist. He is so smart, sweet and caring that I always know I can rely on my to cut through the bullshit and give me his honest opinion. It took me about 2 hours, but it was a great walk home. It was so quiet and calm; a perfect night.

By shifting my perspective, I really allowed myself to enjoy an amazing night. I was pretty emotional, though I think I hid it pretty well. It's such a powerful feeling to be around people who genuinely care about me. My co-workers are really my best friends. Martha is a Texan, female version of me and I really admire how she's so effortlessly flawless. Mike is probably the biggest surprise. We come from completely different background and have pretty opposite interests, but he's pretty much my best friend. I'm love the gift he got me - the prequel season of Spartacus. He knows my favorite things - epic battles, drama and full frontal male nudity. I can't ask for a better friend. Andy is a the lawyer with the dry sense of humor that somehow makes me laugh no matter how dumb his jokes turn out to be. Then there's Suzanne, who single-handedly changed my eating habits and my whole outlook on health. Ugh, but let's not admit that she is almost always right. Lastly we have Tresa, who is absolutely amazing. She's such a beautiful person and I'm so lucky to work for her. I always know that I can ask for help with anything - personal or professional.

I have flaws and things that I'm working on, but I know that I have so many amazing things for which to be grateful. I'm going to make 25 my most developmental and productive year yet.

Spinning

4:00 am. That's my body's favorite time to wake up and question what's going on in my life. Everyone says that college is time to grow, learn and become the person you're going to be. I guess that I procrastinated with that the same way I would all my papers. I have no idea who I am, what I'm doing or where I'm going. My head spins with all the things I don't know.

I continue to mess things up with Antonio. We're not together now and I don't really know what's going to happen. The ironic thing is that there really weren't any problems. We were perfect together. Being with him was so easy. I could be myself and let my guard down when I was around him. I was happy with him, despite not really being happy in general.

Then how did it go wrong? He is so mature and smart. He would ask me questions like, "what do you need from me?" and "what do you need in a relationship?" I didn't even know that people asked these questions, let alone thought about them enough to have answers. I wonder if I had communicated better and thought about those questions, rather than dismiss them, if things would have turned out differently.

How do you know when you're with the right person? How do you know if that person is the one? I think Antonio actually flipped a switch for me. He pinpointed the issue without me even knowing that it was there. He said that my first relationship from college really fucked me up. Once he said that, it all seemed to fall into place. I dated a guy who wasn't out of the closet (that's the abridged version). Everything was a constant struggle. It was like the entire relationship was a battle to prove that I was the right person for him. I needed to convince him to be with me. In my mind it was very Carrie and Big. Obviously that relationship crashed and burned.

I figured that I'd just get over it. I'd move to New York, forget the past, and then be good to go. It hasn't really worked out that way. I wonder / worry if my previous relationship set the model for what I'm looking for in all future relationships. I worry that I've created this ideal that a relationship has to be a struggle or challenging for it to be the real thing. I wonder if I think I need a project guy - someone that I can fix so I know that they'll need me. Obviously, my relationship with Antonio was healthy and stable. No challenge, no fighting, no struggle. My worry is that I think he's not the "one" because it hasn't been hard enough (figuratively).

But let's not blame everything on Brian. I recognize that I tend to focus on the fantasy. I have a picture of what my social life, job, relationship should be. When my fantasy and reality don't line up, I think that what I have is wrong. I confuse what I want with what I think I should want. I have this vision of a knight riding up on a big, white horse to rescue me. I'm not exactly sure what I need to be rescued from, but I'm sure there's something. I think I've watched way too many romantic comedies. Antonio could be the perfect guy for me. He could be the guy I should spend the rest of my life with, but I'm not sure. I'm worried that I have everything I need in him but I can't even receive it (as Iyanla Vanzant would say). My biggest fear is that Antonio and I should be together and I'm screwing it up. I worry that I'm going to look back and regret letting him go.

Well...there's a brief insight into what spins through my mind at 4:00 in the morning. What's becoming clear is that I have way too many questions that I can't answer myself. I think it's time to find a life coach / therapist to help me sort out the mess that is my life.