Questions

So...I go to the New Year's Eve party not really thinking too much into it. But the midnight kiss and subsequent make-out session seems to have confused things. It doesn't help that I then ask him to go a museum, which then then turned into coffee, which then turned into multiple texts a day. Now I've got so many questions.

Does he like me? Do I like him? Or do I simply want someone there to take away the memory of Brian? Am I going to be honest with myself or just take the feelings that I have / had from Brian and project them on Chris? Do I even want a boyfriend?

See! It's so confusing. It's ironic too. I like being by myself and yet I'm lonely. And now there is someone who could possibly take that emptiness away and I'm afraid of it. Why is that? This is what I think. When I was with Brian, I was so devoted and had these grand visions in my mind. I could picture our wedding, family, life, etc. Obviously that was naive. But, I think now I have this jaded view of relationships. Now, rather than plan for the future, I figure that it won't work out anyway so there's no point in trying. Oh my God, I am so messsed up. This also brings up another question. Is anyone really going to want to put up with all the baggage?

I want to take things slow and try to figure out the answers to all these questions.