Coming Out...For Real

Let's be clear. I came out over four years ago to my immediate family. But the more I think about it, it was really more of a hypothetical coming out. Telling your family that you're gay, but single is like telling them that a change will come in the future. If you're single then nothing really changes. At least that's been my experience. My relationship with my parents did not change because I didn't change who I was, but rather just the person that I'd date in the future.

I made the mistake of telling my mother about my first relationship. It was an unhealthy and complicated partnership, though that doesn't diminish the way I felt while I was in the thick of it. I can fully understand my mother's reluctance to accept him and I don't blame her at all. I was wise and never told my father about the seedy situation.

But now I'm in a relationship with a great guy who is very respectable, clean-cut and someone I would consider to be "wifey material" as Bethenny Frankel's assistant would put it. I don't have to pretend that we're just friends. I don't have to act differently around him. It's a very open and honest relationship and it's something that I'm proud of.

So now the question becomes - how do I come out for real to my parents? Now I'm happy and in a relationship, do I tell them? There is a certain fear that they won't react the way I want. My parents have been very supportive and I love them for that, but they've never been tested in this way. If they don't react as positively as I want, I know that it'll make me mad and resentful. If I feel like they don't want to hear about it, I'll feel like they don't really want to know about my life. And that's a slippery slope. First I keep part of my life to myself and then as Antonio becomes a bigger part of my life, they'd become a smaller part of my life.

I also am kinda angry that I even have to worry about this. I'm gay, not a mass murderer. I shouldn't have to worry that being in love with a guy is something that my parents want me to hide. But, I k now that I'm probably creating a huge situation out of nothing. But, there’s still this nagging thought in the back of my head that just maintain the status quo. But, then I think that's not really fair to Antonio. His mother knows all about me and even invited me to dinner, though we both thought it was a little soon as the time of the invite.

It's a very delicate situation and I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. Coming out in theory was hard, but coming out for real is even harder.