Friend or Foe

It's been about 3 1/2 months since Spencer and I had our huge, explosive fight. For the first month or so it was very tense and awkward. Then things started to mellow out. Now I get the feeling that we're in the uneasy, limbo. It's an inconvenient place to be because we're going to have to make some tough decisions in the coming months and having a definitive attitude towards would definitely help us make those decisions.

We've started talking about what's going on in our lives and we've begun joking a little. It's not to the level that it was before the fight, but it's almost comfortable. I don't get that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach when I walk home while dreading that he's going to be there. It makes for a more comfortable living environment, but also an uncertain future.

Our lease ends at the beginning of July. Our original plan was to live together for the remaining three years that Spencer was in school. I'm pretty sure we've scrapped that plan. But that's the funny thing about living in New York. Even if you don't want to live with someone, it's not always an option. It's a fact that he needs a roommate and so do I. I don't enough money to afford a studio apartment in my current neighborhood. I feel that moving back into Spanish Harlem would be a step backward even though having my own place would be a step forward.

I have a feeling that this apartment is going to become the focal point of our metaphorical divorce. He wants to stay and so do I. If we want each other to move out, who gets to stay? I would think that I would because I could find another roommate easily and we'd both have income. To the landlord, that would be a more desirable situation. But nothing is guaranteed. That also brings to mind the expression "better the devil you know." Sure, Spencer and I aren't friends, but I know him and trust him despite everything. Is that better than allowing a stranger to move into my home?

Ideally, we'll begin to mend things and get back to a point where we can actually be in the same room for more than 10 minutes at a time. If we can do that, we may be able to salvage our friendship and continue co-existing. If not, then we'll have to make some very tough decisions - decisions that will most likely having him move into school housing and me looking for a new roommate.

Friend or foe? The next few months will tell and ultimately decide our living situation for another year.