Last weekend, Antonio and I went to GClub for drinks. I'd been there before and now both times were equally uncomfortable. The first time was with Soman and his friends after work. That time I was over dressed (dress pants, shirt and tie). I felt out of place. This most recent time was equally uncomfortable. This time I felt under dressed (jeans and a t-shirt with flip-flops). We sat at a table and sipped out drinks and talked. I love being with him, but the other guys were so distracting. I just kept thinking, "Wow, I wish I looked like that guy" or "man, I wish I could dress like that." Two guys walked in and it was done. They were the perfect couple. Perfect hair, perfect tan, perfect clothes (boy beaters, of course) and perfect bodies. The one had a boy beater with the number 1967 on it. It's weird to be around so many gorgeous guys because I see my self-confidence and perception of myself drop to an all-time low. I couldn't wait to leave.
Then, the other day I dropped off my guarantor letter to our broker. There are a few things in our new apt that we need fixed so I asked him about it. I told him that there were square mirrors on the back of my bedroom door and I wanted them removed. He said, "What? Do you not like looking at yourself?" Um. Wow. Hit the nail on the head. If I had a therapist, I'm sure he'd have some deep, psychological insight to that situation. It's sad because I have a good job, a new apt, and an amazing boyfriend (still unofficial, but yeah) and yet I still let stuff like this get to me. I thought once I started enjoying life that those insecurities would go away.
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