Human Guinea Pig

Earlier, I posted about being a little strapped for cash. I've cut back my spending and it's helping. But, I want a couch and a bed so I've got to do more. But how? Experimental medical testing. Yes, that's right! I'm signing up to do any and every medical experiment that Sinai has to offer. Of course it's not as dangerous as the title makes it out to be. It's a great way to make extra money. Oh yeah, and helping science cure diseases - blah blah blah.

I completed the first part of my first test this afternoon. It's a lung function study. They're exploring the correlation (if any) between allergies, body weight and asthma. Or something like that. They could pretty much do whatever they wanted to me after I read that I got $50.

They started by doing an allergy test. They drew two rows of 5 Xs on my arm and exposed me to various allergens. I only reacted to the grass, which is unusual because I don't have allergic symptoms when I'm outside. That's something worth exploring further, if they'll pay me another $50. Once I was cleared for the next step, we walked over to the Pulmonary Lab in the basement of the hospital. The technician sat me in this little booth with a breathing tube. I had to practice evenly breathing and then she'd have me take a deep breath in and then blast it out. I had to exhale until I literally had nothing left in my lungs AND then I had to push more. We did that a few times. Then she closed the door on this booth and I got a little freaked. I was always expecting something to happen - something like what happens to astronauts. I'm a drama queen, what can I say? Then we went into another room and I had to practice breathing regularly again so they could monitor on the computer.

I'm going back next week to finish the study. Now that they have my baseline data, I'm going to be inhaling some drug that mimics asthma symptoms. I guess this is where the waiver comes in. They said I'm such good, normal breathing that they want me to do some other studies. What can I saw? I know how to blow (insert oral sex joke here). This is such a great opportunity - cash and helping science. It's a win win, unless I grow a third arm or turn green and radioactive.

On second thought, maybe I'll get superpowers! Bring on the medical testing! I want to be Spiderman.