It's time. I'm ready for the next chapter. I'm prepared to make two big changes, both of which could be pretty scary. I'm ready for a new job and a new apartment. Finding the first would greatly improve my odds of accomplishing the second. But, the strong desire for the second is really motivating me to make the first a reality.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I cannot live another year with Spencer. Between the mess and the constant cursing and "accidental" gay slurs, it's just not worth it. Living in a great neighborhood loses its appeal when going home is a test of patience. It's pointless to have bars and restaurants a few blocks away if my boyfriend can't come uptown to enjoy them with me. It would be better to be back in the low 100s and have my own place.
I can't entirely blame him. I've realized that we are different points in our lives. I'm at a point where I want to settle down and begin to build my life. I'd like a home, not just an apartment. He's still in school and knows that he won't be in New York forever. This is just a temporary place for him, so I guess it'd be too much to expect him to treat it like home.
Making my escape requires money. And money is something I don't really see much from working where I work. It's partially my fault - I do have a lot of credit card debt. I have to take full responsibility for that. I would be making decent money if I wasn't putting every left over penny towards debt. Even without the debt, I would not be able to afford a studio in the East 80s. At this point, it's not a matter of wanting to leave. It's a matter of necessity. I won't have a place to live in 4 months.
I'm hesitant to find a new job unless it's one for which have passion. I like my current job, but I know that there is no future in it. I need a career where I am excited to get up in the morning. I noticed that I really enjoy real estate, so I've been looking for entry level positions at various real estate firms in the city. No call backs yet.
I'm ready to start the next chapter, but there are so many hindrances preventing me from turning the page.
I completely understand couples being on different pages. My boyfriend is finishing school in May and I'm ready to settle down. We just have to be patient with our boyfriends. I hope things work out well for you! Good luck with your goals!
ReplyDeleteOh Susie! LOL. Spencer is my roommate, not my boyfriend.We just live together to split rent, utilities, etc. We were friends and it's just gone sour. Antonio is my boyfriend and he's amazing, but we're not ready to live together yet. I'd like to be on my own, independent. Thanks for the support though! I hope things are going well with you too! I love reading your blog and seeing what your students are doing.
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