Safe Sex

I recently went speed dating and then had two subsequent dates. Both gentlemen were funny, nice, and excellent conservationists. The second date inspired a small spark of sexual attraction. But as soon as the blood moves to my favorite organ, the mind starts formulating lots of questions. Since I have self-diagnosed myself with OCD and hypochondria, the questions pop into my head in order of my deadliest first. Does he have AIDS? Does he have herpes? What STDs could he have that I could get from kissing him? Which STDs could he have for which there is no cure? Which STDs could he have that would make it burn when I pee?

Then of course there are the questions about danger that doesn't involve physical pain. How will I feel about myself if I have sex with him? Will I feel dirty? Is it okay to have sex with someone with whom you've only met a few hours ago? What if he thinks I'm bad in bed? What if he's using me? All these questions race through my mind and then the blood returns to its normal path of circulation.

Is sex ever safe? Even if you use a condom and are perfectly safe, there's always a chance that something could happen. Is it worth it? To me, at least at this point, is not. How can you enjoy something and really let loose if you don't really know the person and, more importantly, which viruses or diseases could be mixed in with their bodily fluids.

I'm not an expert, but I think most people have sex a lot. I think people have sex, enjoy it, and go about their lives. But what about the emotional issues of a casual, non-committed tryst? I've been fortunate enough to have had sex with three people. I'm proud of that number because I had a relationship with each person and they meant something. The idea of being someone's cum dumpster really disgusts. I think that the fear of being used is always in the back of my mind.

I realize this post is more questions than answers, but it feels cathartic to get these thoughts out of my head and onto my screen.