Always Searching

I'm always searching for that one thing that's gonna change my life. I'm never content. I'm never just able to sit, breathe and be at peace with myself. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

Antonio and I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond today to pick up a few things. They had gourmet boxes of tea and I put it in the basket. I carried it around for a bit and then set it on a random shelf. I told him that it wasn't so much that I wanted (or even liked) tea. It was that I felt that drinking tea would bring with it a tea-drinkers lifestyle - very calm and tranquil. Next, we walked through the farmer’s market in Union Square. They had several unusual artists selling paintings and little trinkets. One booth had paintings with aliens and philosophers, or something like that. Those made me think that I need to try a strange, new religion. I think it was at this point that Antonio tuned me out.

I started thinking about all the things that I've done in the past few months in search of something else. I started going to a Unitarian church, volunteering, and tried yoga. I did all these things to fill a hole. There's a contentment that's missing and I'm trying to fill it with distractions. I keep looking for something external to be the key to fixing everything. Maybe I should start searching internally.