The Bigger Move

I distinctly remember thinking that my current apartment would be where I would stay for the next 2-3 years. I made it about 3 months. It's not quite exactly how it looks like it's going to turn out. The argument with Spencer turned into a vicious, derogatory, one-sided screaming match. While I still believe that I'm right, he is angry that I'm angry with me. I thought that things would get better over time, but tonight was another belittling rant.

I come home from the gym to loud rap and Halo blaring through the living room. I turned my music on loud enough that I can't hear his noise. When I go out to get dinner the screaming begins. He called me a bitch and a faggot and made numerous comments about how me being gay is the reason we don't get along. He kept saying how he thought he was living with a dude. Just because I didn't live in a frat house, get high everyday and sleep with any girl who was drunk enough doesn't mean that I'm not a man. I'm surprised how easily I'm able to let those comments roll off my back. I'm mad, don't get me wrong. But I didn't make me cry or hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm tougher than I thought I was. Maybe learning that is the blessing in disguise. It's funny that through all my time in the South and I'd never experience homophobia and bigotry like I did in my own home (I use that term loosely) with a roommate from Pennsylvania. It's also ironic that he says me being mad about him not doing the dishes, cleaning and having girls in sleep in my bed reveals my true nature. Doesn't having him be my friend for a year and then lashing out with homophobic and demeaning names reveal his true personality?

We're at a stalemate at this point. He wants me to move out and I'd like him to move out. It would be much easier for me to find someone to sublet his room, but I know him and know it's never going to happen. I figure that it'll be easier for me to find my own studio, which is what I really want anyway. Figuring out the financial and logistical details is going to be hell.

I'm currently looking at places in the 100s. I didn't want to go back to East Harlem, but a crack house would be an improvement at this point. I'm seeing a 1BR on 125 and 5th Ave tomorrow. The rent is the same as what I pay right now and it has laundry in the building. I'll pay more because I won't be splitting the bills, but I'll be able to save money here and there. I just want to be on my own - to be free. We'll see what happens next.